It’s not uncommon for females to share words about how single people are the apples on the top of the apple tree…and those in relationships are the easy-to-reach rotten apples on the ground below. Many state that every girl is beautiful and should wait for the guy who is worth their attention and willing to pursue them. I recently read a Facebook status suggesting that “the one” right guy is the one who has had no previous relationships, who has searched and waited for the right girl…
This concept baffles me. I don’t think it’s a problem if “the one” happens to have had previous relationships…In fact, I think it can actually be beneficial to their future relationships. With each relationship comes experience, not just in dating but in becoming aware of the flaws and needs in oneself. So it makes logical sense that as someone gains such experience, he or she becomes more selective in dating. This increases the value of each additional relationship, for the partner should be a better fit each time.
There is an issue with self-esteem in our society, not just because many girls lack self esteem. There is such a focus on increasing self esteem that many people fail to recognize their own flaws… We are taught that if we fail in relationships, it is because the other person wasn’t good enough and didn’t “deserve” us. However, it is equally likely that we ourselves cause issues in relationships.
I firmly believe that people should not base their self worth on whether or not they are in a relationship. I made that mistake before, dating someone purely because I wanted to be dating…but I ended up hurting someone in the end. The breakup was entirely my fault, and I had to recognize that. I’m currently dating someone who has had much experience in dating, and I am the happiest I have ever been in a relationship. Initially, I took my partner’s mentioning of previous relationships the wrong way, thinking that I would just end up being Relationship # __. But this has not been the case; my partner values me far more than did my previous dates who had little to no experience.
Girls, it’s true that you shouldn’t base your self esteem on whether or not you are in a relationship. But if you’re constantly unsuccessful in the dating field, and you’re not content single, it’s perfectly healthy to evaluate why you are not succeeding. It just might be that the right guy has not come around; or it might be that there is a problem to address. You cannot solve a problem unless you find the root of it, right?